Honor: The Legacy Frequency

Honor is not soft. It’s heavy, and it changes the kind of leader you become. Ken Jocelyn continues the 14 Frequencies of Proximity series with Frequency #9: honor, what he calls the legacy frequency, because honor is the seed and legacy is the harvest. When honor disappears, families fracture, workplaces get toxic, and our culture turns everything into something trivial. When honor returns, trust grows, relationships heal, and influence lasts. 

We open up Exodus 20:12 and dig into the Hebrew word “kavod,” meaning weight. That single definition reframes everything: honor is a deliberate decision to treat someone’s role as weighty rather than light. We talk about why honor is not based on performance and why it’s often about honoring the office or position, even when you don’t agree, even when your story is complicated. We also make room for wisdom and boundaries, because honoring someone doesn’t require you to stay close enough to keep getting hurt. 

Ken shares a personal story about a weekend with his dad and a conversation designed to remove regret and put honor back where it belongs. We close with a practical “weight audit” you can do today and one simple act of kavod you can take this week, a call, a text, or a clear statement of love with no strings attached. If this hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more leaders can find the message.

Transcript

Welcome And Series Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of As the Leader Grows. I am your host, Ken Jocelyn. Super excited to continue our series on the 14 frequencies of proximity. My book, I actually have it in my hand. I got this on my birthday the day before I spoke at Investfest. Over 33,000 people at Investfest, three different stages, three different arenas. It was an amazing experience. Got a book, my mind's blown at everything that God's doing. So number one, thank you for for tuning in, checking in. Thank you for sharing all everything you do to make this possible. There is no way on the planet we could do, our team could do what we do, podcast, create conference, our masterminds, my book, everything that we do without you guys. So thank you, number one, for putting the work in.

Why Honor Feels Rare Today

SPEAKER_00 0:48

So today I want to hit frequency number nine. It's honor. And guys, I call honor the legacy frequency. And if there is something that our culture is missing right now, it is honor. We do not live in a culture of honor. Think about the lines of division in our country politically. Think about where they're at on class warfare. Think about the lack of honor and really integrity on both sides of the aisle. I'm not going to pick out one and just hammer on one. On both sides of the aisle, think about what our country would look like if we had honor. And guys, honor is something.

Honor Is The Seed Of Legacy

SPEAKER_00 1:32

And I'm going to break it down. I'm going to actually go into Exodus chapter 20, where Moses gives us the 10 commandments, and I'm going to talk about honor from there. And I want to break down honor because I call honor the legacy frequency that if you live and practice a life of honor. I don't know if you've ever watched uh Gladiator, my favorite movie of all time. Their whole thing was strength and honor. Strength and honor. Strength and honor. It's everything. Honor is everything. Being in the military, observing in the United States Air Force, both brothers, Air Force, one retired. Like when you're in the military, it's a different feel. Like honor is just something that you do. We were watching a movie the other night, and I told my wife, they actually saluted somebody. And I went, Oh, it's about time I watched somebody salute somebody the right way on TV in a movie. Because again, honor is a massive thing when you're part of the military. So I want you guys to grasp this concept today. Honor is the seed. Legacy is the harvest. Honor is the seed. Legacy is the harvest. And guys, there have been a couple of times in my life, and I'm going to share this and we're going to jump into scripture. It's been a couple of times in my life where I've gone back to relationships that were either estranged or we weren't like in relationship anymore because some that we just went in two different directions. I'm going in the direction doing life. They're going in the direction doing life. But twice, number one was when I planted my church. I literally sent a text message to my first pastor, got saved under his ministry, called into the ministry under his ministry. My youth ministry was under his ministry. And I hadn't spoken with him in years. And I literally texted him and his wife that morning. I said, Hey, now, by now, I know you've heard that I'm planting a church. And I just wanted you to know that I would not be here without the two of you guys. And just wanted you to know, I just wanted to honor you for what God's doing in my life today because of what you did in my life yesterday. I did the very same thing, our very first create conference. I shot Grant Cardone, I shot Jared a text, and I said, Hey guys, thank you for everything that you've done to pour into me and spark this vision that God's given me for GSD for create the number one faith-based entrepreneur conference in America. Thank you for what you've done. There's a lot of things Grant and I don't agree on, but the reality of it is, is I'm going to honor what that man put into my life. And you're like, well, what about the stuff you don't agree? When you eat fish, do you spit out the bones? Thank you very much. Of course you do. So I want to hit Exodus. I almost said Hebrews. Exodus chapter 20 in verse 12. I love this scripture. It says, honor your father and your mother. Then you will live a long full life in the land the Lord your God has given you. Honor your mother and father. I love the New King James and the King James so that your days may be lengthened. It literally says that when you give honor to your mother and father, and I want to teach a little bit about honor today because I you cannot have legacy unless you have honor. Because again, you know the stats. Families who who pass down inheritance and and and wealth, the generations, it doesn't normally last more than a 1.8 generations and the money's gone. Because there's not an honor for that individual that did that for them, or an honor of what it took to be able to do that. So Exodus chapter 20 and verse 12, honor is the seed again. Remember, legacy is the harvest.

Kavod And Honoring The Office

SPEAKER_00 5:03

So when God said, honor your mother and father, the Hebrew word that he literally used for honor is kavod, which it's the it's a heaviness, it's a weight. Honor is a weight that we assign to a person. Same thing with my former pastor. We weren't in relationship, things were kind of estranged, but I wanted to make sure because honor is a big deal to me. Because I know what God says in scripture in Exodus 20, honor your mother and father that the days, that your days may be lengthened. Or in this, in the New Living Translation, so that your time will be extended, so that you will live a long, full life in the land that the Lord your God has given you. There is something about honor that when we honor, and I wanted to talk about, okay, what is honor? Honor is something that in scripture says in in the Hebrew, it's kvad. It is a weight. It is a sense, it is a not a heaviness in the sense to where it's a heavy burden to carry, but it is a weight. And I would tell kids all the time, all my time through youth ministry and youth pastoring, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kids. I would teach the scripture, honor your mother and father so your days may be extended or at lengthened. Like God will give you more days if you honor your mother and the father. Now, here's what I want to get in real quick because this is where we kind of go sideways. Because I don't care if you vote Republican and you can't stand Democrats, or you vote Democrat, you can't stand Republicans, like whatever that looks like, there is honor. And this is what I would tell parents. God does not give us a commandment in Exodus chapter 20. He doesn't give us one of these commandments to where he says, honor your mother and father if they're amazing parents. Honor your mother and father if they get everything right. And here's what I want to say honor isn't about the individual, it's about the office. It's about the position. It's not the person that you have in that position that you're supposed to honor. It's the position that God gave them and God placed them. So honor is this weight, it's this responsibility. Guys, listen honor is something that we bestow upon a person, not based on their performance, but because God put them in a position of authority. And so when we learn this, well, Ken, my mom wasn't this, or my dad, I completely get it. But God is very clear because what it does is it also works in our life. If we want to build legacy, we will understand the truth of honor. Honor your mother and father so your days may be lengthened on the earth. So when I give honor, not to how they acted towards me, not if they were a great parent. They could be a great parent. They could be a not so great parent. But my role and my job is to honor my father, is to honor my mother. And so I'll go

A Father And Son Conversation

SPEAKER_00 8:14

back. I share with you guys a little story. I've shared this in the past. It's in the book as well on this chapter. My second, third oldest daughter is 23 now. So 22 years ago-ish, she was just born. I flew to Michigan. I was taking my dad. We did a guys' weekend for the weekend. We did a Detroit Tigers game on Friday night. We did Michigan Notre Dame football game on Saturday. And we did the Detroit Lions Green Bay Packers. It was opening day of the NFL weekend. We did all three games Friday night, Saturday, Sunday. We had a blast. But I knew that part of the conversation of me going there wasn't just for me and my dad to hang out. But I had just had my third daughter, and the weight of, I guess, the responsibility or the honor, if you will, the weight of being in that position as a father made me see my dad's relationship with me from a different perspective. And so one of the things I knew I needed to do when I went to visit my dad was to have a car a conversation. I was going to say hard conversation, but it wasn't really a hard conversation. It was a grace-filled conversation. Never forget we got in the car up in my dad lives in Carroll, up in the Thumb area of Michigan. So it's about a two-hour drive to Detroit. And so we get in the car to drive to Detroit that day, and we're having a conversation. And I said, Dad, I just want to let you know, number one, how much I love you and how much I honor you as a dad. And with Caroline, my third being born this past week, I'm having this new sense of what it's like to be a father. Now, at that time, they're two, they're three, four, and five years apart. Holly was seven, no, three, four, yeah, seven-ish. Holly was about seven years. That's right. She's 23. Holly's 30. She's seven years, seven years old. So I got a seven-year-old. I've got a four-year-old, and then I've got a brand new baby. And it just changed my perspective, guys. And I said, Dad, here's what I know. I specifically want to have a conversation today with you and I, because I don't ever want you to go to bed with any kind of regret over how you parented me or you parented my sisters. And I know as a dad now, seven-year-old, four-year-old, brand new baby, I know how difficult that can be. And I know what regret feels like. I know what it feels like if I raise my voice at my daughter and she didn't deserve for me to raise my voice, or I get angry, or I get upset. Got, you know, I know what that regret feels like. And dad, like, so those of you guys that don't know, parents got divorced and I was eight years old. Mom moved us from the Pontiac, Michigan area to the Atlanta area in Gainesville in second grade. From my sixth grade year to my senior year of high school, I moved back and forth to my dad's in Michigan six different times. So I went to 12 schools in 12 years and six different high schools. So I was transient, back and forth, back and forth. But the one thing I didn't want my dad to do is I now understanding the weight, the weight of the office of being a father, I didn't want my dad to ever have any regret. And I told my dad, I said, Dad, I literally just saw a picture of me speaking at my church. I was preaching at my church and I saw a picture and I'm like, oh my gosh, I look just like my dad. Like it was, I saw the picture and I'm like, holy cow, I do, I do look like my dad. Now, guys, we're talking, this was 22 years ago. So I'm just turned 58, so I was 36 years old. And I just saw that picture and I'm like, wow, I look like my dad. And I said, Dad, I said, I want to have a conversation today because I understand now the weight of being a father, and I understand what it feels like to have regret or to feel guilty. And I don't ever want you to feel guilty for maybe feeling like you weren't there for me as a child. I don't ever want you to feel that way. I want it verbatim when I told my dad, I want the slate between us to be crystal clean today. I want us to have a conversation. If there's anything that you want to say, I'd love to hear what you have to say. But dad, I love you. I don't ever want you to regret how my childhood looked or the part you had to play in my childhood because mom chose to move us. And again, moved six different times, stayed with my dad, lived in our my aunt and uncle's basement a couple times in Pontiac. We had our own place. I lived with my with my stepmom, Lorene, and their kids and their family several times. I mean, six different times I moved. And I said, Dad, I never want you, never want you to feel any regret for how I was raised. I would not be the man I am today if it weren't for you. And guys, how much honor do you think my dad felt that day? I'm telling you, it changed our relationship. There was a shift in my relationship with my father that day. So I I want to, I want you to understand when it says honor your mother and father, it's not necessarily the performance. I'm not honoring the performance. I'm honoring the office in which God placed them, that authority in which God placed them. So Exodus 2012, that word is kavod. That kavad means to be heavy, not heavy as in a burden or heavy and as a substance, but honor means to treat them as a as weighty. Like there is an honor in being the president of the United States. There's an honor in being the king or queen of England. There's honor in certain roles that God bestows us. There's honor in being a pastor. There should be honor in being a husband or being a wife. There is a weight for that. Guys, the opposite of that word honor in the Hebrew means to curse or dishonor. It literally means to make light of or to treat as trivial. And here's the reality, guys, it's not trivial. It is it honor is the opposite of trivial. So the grammar that we get out of this Hebrew, Hebrew word kavad, it's it's this intense and active form, not like this, I'm feeling respectful or I'm having feelings. It is a command to deliberately assign a weight to that position. So for a lot of you guys, you may have not had a great childhood. You may have not even had a dad at home. You may not had a mom at home, may have gone through some abuse, you may have gone through some some really, really difficult situations. Guys, I was 52 years old when I realized that the woman in my life, if I ever got in trouble, she was going to tell me to pack a bag. And I had to, again, my story, 24 to 48 hours. I was on a bus, a plane, my dad was on the way to pick me up. And for 40 years, I carried that trauma and I had no idea. And the moment I realized, oh my gosh, my therapist, Maxine, how do you think your relationship with your mother affected the way you, the way you look at or the relationship with the women in your life who are supposed to love and protect you? It literally floored me. And I had to get back to a place of honor for my mom because she was an amazing mom. She, biggest heart, loved people in our community like none other. Like literally, my friends would come stay the night. They love staying at my place because my mom was so cool. My mom literally was like the neighborhood mom. So I want to encourage you in the honor when it comes to honor in general. And that is like we give honor to. And again, I'm not saying if you're in agreement or not in agreement. It doesn't say anything in scripture about honor doesn't come when you agree. Honor comes because God placed them in that office. God created that office for that individual and that position that they hold, that's what we honor. So I want to encourage you

Book Launch Update And Reflection

SPEAKER_00 15:59

really quick. We're going to break for just a second, but I want to encourage you on honor to understand that honor comes not from someone who does a good job, but honor comes because God created that office. We'll be right back. Okay, guys. I hope you had a chance to grab a copy of 14 Frequencies of Proximity. Obviously, our book launch is coming up up October 14th, 15th, and 16th, three days, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Eastern time. It's going to be an amazing thing. You'll get some details on that as well. But I want, I want to encourage you that that conversation with my dad, it was, it was so I saw my dad like walk straighter. I saw my dad like, it was almost like when I when I honored him as being my father, and I honored him for the role that he's played in my development as a man. And I honored him by saying, Dad, I don't ever want you to feel regret in any part of our relationship. I love you. And if there's anything that you've done, I forgive you. You know what I did? I literally took honor and I placed it back on my father. And our relationship was different from that day because I chose to honor my father. And I've had in the past, I've had to choose to honor my mother. And I want to encourage you guys when we talk about honor, the legacy frequency. Honor is the seed, legacy is the harvest. And if you want to live a life where God can literally breathe on you and get behind everything that you do and the thing that He's called you, the purpose that He's created you for, it's going to begin with Guys, honor your mother and father.

The Weight Audit And One Act

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And look throughout your life. Where are the other relationships that you need to honor? Some of you guys, you don't like honoring your boss. You don't feel like they're fair. You don't feel like they're, listen, scripture's super clear. God puts you in there. You work as unto the Lord. Not as unto that person who signs your paycheck. God, if I brought you, if you brought me into a company, my role is to work as unto you, not as unto this individual that signs my check. That's the difference in honor. Honor doesn't come from actions. Honor doesn't isn't produced from results. Honor is produced from the office. The position that God gives them. And that day, guys, when I had that conference, my dad and I had the one of the best weekends we've ever had, probably go down as one of my favorite weekends I've ever had. And so I want to encourage you today, guys. How can I apply this? Like if I look at, if I look and I do what's what's just called a weight audit. Who in your who in our lives or in your life has you been treating lightly? Who have you been not giving time to? Who have you not given honor to and really looked at that relationship? Now listen, doesn't mean you gotta don't have to compromise your boundaries, doesn't mean you have to put yourself in situations. You don't need to be in, I'm not talking about all that. I'm talking, you can honor a relationship and not be close and be close enough for that relationship to still cause damage. So do one act of cavad this week. Call your mom, call your dad. If that door is closed, what would it look like? I just said this to somebody this past week. What would it look like if you literally just picked this was a sister, somebody was not in good relationships with their sister? And I said, What would it look like if you just pick the phone up and you just text her and just said, Hey, I miss you. And I was thinking about you today, and I just wanted you to know that I love you. That's all. I'm not asking for anything, I don't have any expectations. Like you go into that text message going, I want to honor this relationship. That's what honor means. So honor means giving weight. What makes you heavy gets built. What makes you light gets lost? Remember, honor is the seed, legacy is the harvest.

Final Challenge And Next Week

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And guys, myself, I can do a better job of honor. Us as a nation, as Christ followers, can do a better job of giving and leading with honor. Again, honor is the seed, but legacy is the harvest. Guys, thank you so much for joining me again on this week, proximity with Ken Johnson. I'll see you next week with the next frequency.